If you have any interest in BDSM, you may have heard of the book Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon. Having heard so many good things about this book, I’ve wanted to read it for some time, and thanks to FunWares I’ve finally had the opportunity.

I’m happy to say it lives up to the hype. This book is an in-depth exploration, discussion, and how to guide of sadomasochism and what many of us refer to as BDSM. BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & submission (D/s), and Sadism & Masochism. These four little letters encompass a wide range of practices and this book discusses some of them in great detail. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns is written by Philip Miller, a well-practiced dominant, and Molly Devon, a masochistic submissive. Having a great deal of experience in these roles, Philip and Molly are as experts in their own form of sadomasochism, which they share with all of us through this book.

Like many of those who participate in sadomasochistic practices, Philip and Molly subscribe to the motto, “safe, sane, and consensual”. To this end, they are committed to providing information on what to do as well as what not to do. In Chapter 10 there is a very thorough discussion of where and where not to hit, with detailed explanations and diagrams. For example, “The inside of the thighs are very sensitive. They are safe to hit, but be aware that the pain potential is quite high here.” and “Avoid hitting the lower back. The kidneys are attached directly to the muscle wall there and can be easily bruised or damaged.”

Throughout Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, Philip and Molly emphasize the important of communication between partners. Communication defines everything in BDSM relationship, where misunderstandings can lead to more than just a little spat.

Though they tend refer to dominants and “he” and submissives as “she”, mirroring their own perspective and for the sake of ease, Philip and Molly clearly state their acceptance of all people into BDSM regardless of gender or sexual persuasion.

This book is much longer and more detailed than I expected. Coming in at a whopping 277 pages, this book measures 8 1/2″ by 11″ and contains mountains of information, drawings, and photographs. With 13 chapters and six appendices, Philip and Molly have created a massive treatise on their way practice of sadomasochism. From the chapter list you can see the discussions range from the practical how to’s to the esoteric why’s of it all, and everything in between.

Chapters:
1. Gee, Toto, I Don’t Think We Are In Kansas Anymore
2. Sexual Magic- Why We DO DO That Voodoo
3. The Politics of Very Strange Bedfellows- Sensible SM Relationships and Dangerous Liaisons
4. “You Want To Worship My What???”- Negotiation and Relationships
5. Straight Facts and Bent Phalluses- Sexual Attitudes
6. Non-Government Sanctioned Sex and Torture
7. Get Them By the Balls: Their Hearts and Minds Will Follow- Bondage Theory
8. Of Human Bondage- Bondage Techniques
9. Philip’s Philosophy of Phlogging Phun- The Corporal Dimension
10. When the Inner Child Deserves a Spanking- Philip’s (and Phriend’s) Phurther Pheelings on Phlogging
11. It’s Only Pain, Dear, and It’s Only Yours- Why Take A Long Road To Enlightenment, When You Can Haul Ass On A Super Highway?
12. Making the Upper Cheeks Red- Embarrassment, Humiliation, and the Mind Fuck
13. Furnishing Your Dungeon

Chapters 1 & 2 discuss the basics of Dominance/submission, providing definitions of the different terms and explaining through examples what D/s is, discussing communication and respect, and beginning to explore the idea mental flying.

Chapter 3 focuses on the different types of people one may run across while navigating the BDSM world in search for potential partners. It provides helpful hints on meeting people online and face to face and remaining safe in one’s search.

Chapter 4 explores compatibility in D/s relationships and different levels of power exchange, as well as activity questionnaires, and service agreements. It also addresses a false statement I’ve heard over and over in my own exploration, “real submissives don’t have limits”, and discusses abusive relationships.

In Chapter 5, Philip and Molly discuss the differences between men and women, abandoning traditional sex roles, and focusing on what you really want with and from your partner.

Chapter 6 begins an exploration of sex toys and BDSM practices, such as nipple clamps, anal training and play, and fisting.

In Chapter 7, we learn the basics of bondage from safety to making a plan, to the very important ten rules of bondage, example: #7 “Never cross pulse points with direct pressure from rope.” Philip and Molly even provide a Dominant’s how-to for the first session with his submissive.

Chapter 8 has great images and explanations on how to tie bondage knots and even demonstrates how to make a rope dress. We also delve into plastic wrap bondage, cuffs, gags, blindfolds, and sensory deprivation.

In Chapters 9 & 10, we begin an in depth exploration of flogging and spanking, including how-to’s, discussions of implements, positioning, and preparing. We are also introduced to Phiip’s Ten Commandments of Flagellation.

Chapter 11 is one of my favorites because it discusses the dichotomy of pleasure and pain and the concept of “flying”, or what some people call “subspace”.

Chapter 12, also one of my faves, focuses on the mental aspect of BDSM, creating physical and emotional reactions to mental stimuli. We explore humiliation through an incident from Philip and Molly’s lives and Dominant and submissive. It is clearly told and then masterfully analyzed.
 

The final chapter, Chapter 13, introduces us briefly to public and professional play spaces and instructs us on how to create our own play space. It discusses everything from suspension cuffs, to different types of sex toys, to where to get your goodies, and has diagrams on making your own cuffs, whips, spreader bars, and even a sex sling. Philip and Molly even discuss how to travel with your toys advise caution when traveling overseas due to laws regulating the importation of sexually related articles. That probably wouldn’t have even occurred to me!

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns has a thorough glossary as well as multiple appendices that provide lists of support groups, stores, and recommended reading. The recommended reading is helpful, but the stores and groups list haven’t been updated since 1999, so much of the information is not current, especially the information on computer bulletin boards.

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns Pros:
• Excellent information
• Real life examples
• Well-organized
• Easy to read

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns Cons:
• Appendices are dated

To my mind, this book covers more than just sadomasochism. It really does hit on all the aspects of BDSM. Not being a BDSM newbie, I’ve learned much more than expected from Forget the Roses, Send Me the Thorns. It’s interesting, insightful, applicable, and accepting. It teaches dominants safe and respectable practices, while teaching submissives how to protect themselves along their journey. It is well put together and easy to navigate. The chapters are organized such that they build upon each other, but at the same time you can easily skip around to read bits and pieces with feeling lost.

This book is an excellent primer for those who are just starting out, as well helping more experienced players expand their abilities. I think everyone can learn from this book and it definitely belongs on the shelf of anyone who has an interest or invests their time in BDSM play or the lifestyle. Fortunately, it’s available for a great price at FunWares!

If you spend some time on the site, you’ll see FunWares has really great prices on their products. They also offer discreet shipping and most orders ship the same day, which is super fast! So check out FunWares and pick up your own copy of Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns!

Bean Fiddler Rating:

HIM & HER, The Ultimate Guide To Your Lover, is a lovely boxed set of two books from Fascinations. This set of books is meant for heterosexual couples. HIM is dedicated to “her” and meant to be read by the female partner in the relationship, while HER is dedicated to “him” and meant to be read by the male partner. Quite frankly, I think it is a good idea to read and discuss both, but I’m all about communication.

HIM & HER are good quality hardcover books with tasteful photographs, organized into brief, manageable chapters. They appeal to me visually but slightly less so intellectually as they are very basic. HIM is blue and HER is pink, and this is where the stereotypes begin. Overall the information provided is very stereotypical and superficial, but what can we expect in 83 pages per book? HIM & HER touch on many topics without fully exploring any of them. However, they do so in an attractive and easy to read way, and there are some helpful hints.

HIM & HER appear to be written as companion guides. As you can see, the chapters in the books mirror each other.

HIM by Tseverin Furey
CHAPTER 1 Behold the Man
CHAPTER 2 Love, Sex, and Intimacy: The Guy Version
CHAPTER 3 What’s the Deal With…?
CHAPTER 4 Make the Most of Your Man
CHAPTER 5 Cowboys, Gay Boys, & “Real Men”
CHAPTER 6 What He Doesn’t Know
CHAPTER 7 First Come Love, Then Comes…

HER by Dr. Victoria Zdrok
CHAPTER 1 A Guide to Her Body
CHAPTER 2 Love, Sex, and Intimacy: The Female Version
CHAPTER 3 What’s the Deal With…?
CHAPTER 4 Make the Most of Your Woman
CHAPTER 5 The Good, the Bad, and the Bisexual
CHAPTER 6 What She Doesn’t Know
CHAPTER 7 First Comes Love, Then Comes…

I’m struck by the dichotomy between the writers. Tseverin Furey, author of HIM, is described as “a multimedia artist whose paintings, music, and collage often explore the intersection of humor and sex.” On the other hand, Dr. Victoria Zdrok, author of HER, “has a PhD in clinical psychology, a law degree, and a certificate in sex therapy.” What’s up with that? They get the seriously qualified woman to write about women but go for a humorist to write about men? Not sure how I feel about that…

Both HIM & HER offer directions on how to physically please your partner, from massaging erogenous zones to manual and oral stimulation. They also offer tips and tricks on how to get in sync with your partner mentally and emotionally. While the authors make some good points, I found many of the suggestions in HIM a bit silly. On explaining to your man how you enjoy being stimulated, Furey writes, “Tell your man your body is like a novel in braille. Some parts you can skim; some deserve rereading.” Then again, My Man thought this made sense, so what do I know?

One thing I liked about HIM is that it really opened up communication between My Man and me. We have excellent communication as it is, but this book was a great jumping off point for multiple conversations that led to me understanding him more thoroughly.

HIM & HER Pros
• Visually appealing
• Well-organized
• Easy to read

HIM & HER Cons
• For heterosexual couples only
• Surface information
• Stereotypical

While HIM & HER are certainly not the “ultimate guides” they claim to be, they do provide some useful tidbits of information. Opening up new topics of conversation in always positive in a relationship and I did find these books helpful in doing this. Even in an openly communicative relationship such as the one I have with My Man, there are always new topics to discuss and these books helped spark some interesting conversations. For that, I appreciate HIM & HER. These books do a good job at what they do, which is to provide some basic information and a spring board from which to explore your relationship.

However, if one or both partners takes these books as the gospel truth without double-checking with each other, I could see these beliefs leading to some unpleasant misunderstandings. So remember, while it’s helpful to research and learn more about your partner in general, nothing beats firsthand experience and knowledge of your specific partner. Ask your partner questions so you can truly understand him or her. Talk to each other. Don’t rely on a book to tell you what you need to know about the other person in your relationship.

Check out HIM & HER, as well as other cool books and sex toys, at Fascinations today!

Bean Fiddler Rating:

I was given the opportunity to review the book, What’s Up Down There?: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend written by Dr. Lissa Rankin. I’ve always had a interest in how my body works and this looked like a good read. I was happy to discover it was just what I was hoping!

“What’s Up Down There?” has 365 pages of direct, candid answers to almost any question I could ever come up with about my lady bits. Some of the question and answers are amusing, some are amazing, and some are downright disgusting. Suggestion: When Dr. Lissa warns you not to continue reading if you’re squeamish, pay attention!

Dr. Lissa shares experiences from her childhood, medical school, and her practice to demonstrate her points. She writes on a plethora of topics. From myths…do vaginas have teeth?, to tips on shaving, to female genital mutilation. There is so much information crammed into this book. Yet it’s presented in a very direct and accessible manner. I’m accustomed to books that are more clinical and run on in nature. You know the kind that put you to sleep, yet you really want the information? What’s Up Down There? really shines is this area. The format of this book is great. The chapters are well defined and simple. Each chapter is split into short sections headed by questions. This makes it very easy to read a complete idea in just a few minutes. I can pick this book up for 10 minutes or an hour and not lose track. With my short attention span, this is a big plus!

You can see the wide range of topics covered in the Chapter List below, and the questions are wonderful.

Introduction: Let’s Talk Abut Coochies and Boobs
1. Being a Gynecologist
2. How Coochies Look
3. How Coochies Smell and Taste
4. Sex and Masturbation
5. Orgasm
6. Discharge and Itching
7. Periods
8. Fertility
9. Pregnancy
10. Childbirth
11. Menopause
12. Boobs
13. Pee
14. Butts
15. You and Yoni: The Relationship
16. Giving Birth To You

Dr. Lissa answers questions about everything. Medical issues, pregnancy, relationships, communication, body awareness are all covered in What’s Up Down There?
She answers questions that haunt you in the night. “Do guys like it if I make noise during sex?”, “What do women like in bed? My boyfriend is asking and I’m too embarrassed to talk about it. Can you help?”, “What should I do if my partner doesn’t like to go down on me?”,

She answers medical questions. “Is it true that the uterus can fall out completely?” I’ve learned that it it’s true. “Is vaginal discharge the same thing as vaginal lubricant, or are they totally different?” They are different. “Is it normal for my breasts to hurt when I don’t have my period? Why does that happen?” Yes, it’s normal and there are multiple causes.

I learned that wearing a bra all the time will not keep my boobs from sagging as I get older, contrary to what my grandmother told me. I learned playing with your nipples can induce pregnancy. Sooooo glad I’m not pregnant. I also learned Viagra does not turn women on. These are just a a few of the tidbits I picked up reading What’s Up Down There.

Dr. Lissa doesn’t pull any punches with her professional, yet non-clinical approach. The subtitle of What’s Up Down There: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist Of She Was Your Best Friend is very apropos. Reading this book really is very much like talking to a close friend, without the squirming and embarrassment.

What’s Up Down There? is a great book for it’s target audience, women. However, there are quite a few sections I’ve shared with my man either directly reading from the book or indirectly working topics into conversation.

This book gives the gift of information as well as inspiration. For women who are less experienced or those not yet very comfortable with their bodies, Dr. Lissa offers a caring, guiding hand through difficult questions. She encourages all women to take control of and feel empowered in our bodies. That is something I can get behind!

The only thing that would improve this book would be an index so you could immediately flip to a specific topic. What’s Up Down There?: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend is non-threatening, informative, and easy to read. The useful information, questions, and stories, along with Dr. Lissa’s friendly, female positive writing, make this book a great choice for readers. I highly recommend it.

You can find What’s Up Down There?: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend Amazon and local book stores.

A big thank you to publicist, Dana Kaye for sending me such a good book to review!

Bean Fiddler Rating: